Struggling, but Setting Myself Up for a Win

I sometimes like to think that my body doesn't react the way it does and that I'm above the affects that food has on my body in some way. But then my weight or the intense breakout I wake up to the next morning will remind me that I'm not impervious to it all. Stress, as we all know, is not an easy factor to deal with. Like the INSANE cravings for an entire box of chocolates or pizza that comes over me every time I think about my breakup this year. For those of you dealing with far worse, you're probably thinking, oh get over it already but living with a broken heart is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. And that's saying something coming from someone who grew up in an abusive home. When it all boils down to it, I've honestly struggled the last two years. I've been moving in the right direction but I haven't quite found my groove yet. I recently reached out to some fellow Beachbody coaches, and friends, who also seemed to be struggling and oddly enough, the only time any of us had ever truly lost weight and been able to stick to the program, was with weight watchers. Right before Thanksgiving we joined forces and every Sunday, we three weigh in together, have a call and then support one another in both our wins, and losses. In the last two and a half weeks I have lost 5lbs, and guess what, I haven't even been perfect! I've cleansed, I try to drink a shake at least once a day and I have a smoothie at least once a day and I try my best to eat clean, but I'm tracking everything, even the bad stuff. It's helped me to not binge away an entire day but rather just one meal. I must say, the need to binge in general is slowly leaving my system and I'm so thankful for it. For instance, Monday night I had the worst chocolate craving ever and in all honesty, I typically would have run out to CVS and grabbed some chocolate or ice cream, but instead, I had one cup of mint hot cocoa and was more than content with just that little treat. Of course it wasn't Clean eats but with this disorder, you can't win all day every day so we do the best we can and come back fighting the next day. I've been hard on myself in the past but in these last few weeks, if I've had to indulge, I've let myself do it and enjoy every second of it. It helps me to love myself a little more and lets me hate myself a little less and in the end, I find that I'm not craving the bad stuff as much as I usually do. So who knows, maybe part of where our cravings stem from is our own negativity. I couldn't tell you honestly, but all I have to say is, it's making a big difference in my life to be kinder to myself.