Believe In Yourself

Many may see losing their job as a curse. Unemployment is probably the most useless system I have ever come across and if I did not have a backup up plan, I literally would be on the streets approximately thirty days from now. I will admit that I have had my moments where upon waiting for fifty minutes to finally get someone, only to have them hurry me off the phone and very casually mention that I would not see benefits for 5-7 weeks, that I was ready to scream into a pillow and break some dishes. Giving up, however, has never been an option...

This year started with a bang. My (at the time) absolutely wonderful boyfriend broke up with me on our anniversary, which just happened to be New Years Day and it was completely out of the blue. Therefore I knew that it was setting the tone for how the year was to go. This bang was then followed by my father (who I haven't had a relationship with in five years) asking if we could reconnect. As my brother is now engaged and I want everything to go perfectly for him and his now fiancee, I agreed to the relationship for cordiality purposes only. Needless to say it has been trying and more despicable stories of how disturbing he truly is have come to light in the process, yet I have held my head high, kept my barbie smile plastered on my face and pretended to be the most loving daughter in the world, because I love my brother.

The cherry on all this has been losing my job. I never loved my job. Were there some wonderfully kind people there? Absolutely. Were there some monsters who used going to church on Sunday as an excuse to be a tyrant the rest of the week? Most certainly. Did it kill the dream I've had since I was 13 to become an amazing Interior Designer because I discovered in the most cruel way possible just how demeaning and stressful the position can be? It absolutely did. I was lost for a little while there and had no idea what I was going to do. I had dreamed of attending the Savannah College of Art and Design in Georgia for a Masters in Furniture Design, but then my mother shot that one down with, "You'll never make a name for yourself and you'll never make good money at it. You will always be a starving artist." I understand she wants the best for me but that just killed it for me. I had these visions of being in London with a huge opening where I had designed small vignettes of what I pictured homes looking like in the future. Whether they were refurbished or new. Everyone was floored by them because they were intelligently planned thinking about utilization of space rather than wasting it as is the practice nowadays in the States. Alas, being the one to carry your beliefs full circle entirely on your own is a very difficult task to accomplish. 

In my family, I think it's almost a joke to them what I do with my PCOS page and with Beachbody but I have to say that I am the most proud of myself for those two accomplishments. They may not amount to much but to me it's something I created from the ground up and something I have no intentions of giving up on anytime soon. The biggest difference for me is that in respect to these large aspects of my life, I have endless support and it does not even come from my blood relatives. It comes from my PCOS and Beachbody family who have saved me in more ways than I can say. They give me positive reinforcement and tell me on a daily basis to BELIEVE. 

I found out the other day that there are a lot of people who are turned off by Beachbody because they have had negative experiences with coaches who aren't necessarily all that great. It's tough to impress upon people your own hopes and dreams for something when all they can hear is, "I just want your money." For me, it's not about that. I struggled for a long time with self esteem, my weight and most of all, believing in myself. I was brought up to have no support for any of integral aspects of my well-being and my former 'wonderful' boyfriend even made me question a lot of this. If I did not have any of this to fall back on this year, I would be broke, fat and depressed. Instead, I have a weekly income saving my buns from homelessness after being laid off, I am now prescription free and feeling better than ever thanks to Shakeology and I'm getting into shape thanks to the intense workouts I do. The best part is, I'm making my own dreams come true in applying myself to all aspects of this.

I recently found a journal of mine and in it, it described my hopes and dreams for the future, from the perspective of high school me. I can't recall what it stated verbatim but the general gist was that I wanted to be happy, helping others, feeling fulfilled by what I was doing and having a comfortable lifestyle. I found this journal not long after being laid off and if that wasn't a sign to point me in this direction, I don't know what is. I get to help others who were and are in as much of a desperate situation, or even worse, than I was with my health. I cry tears of joy almost on a daily basis seeing results from fellow cysters who are attacking Clean eating full force and saving their bodies and themselves for the constant pain and disappointment that is brought upon by PCOS. To say that I love what I do just isn't enough. The warmth that it brings to my heart is more than any love I have yet to know in this life, outside of that my family, both fur and human alike, bring me. 

You may not be at a point to understand what Clean eating or a program like Beachbody can do for your health. All I ask at this point is that you start to work towards healing. Believe that maybe you won't get there today, tomorrow, or next week but that you will get there in the near future and that you will succeed. Believe in yourself and find people to push you to achieve it. I found my beliefs this June in Las Vegas. I will never let my father, my ex or anyone else ever make me question who I am, what I am doing, where I am going or the goodness of my heart. And every day, I wear this bracelet as a reminder to believe in myself and believe that I am helping people and making a difference and the dreams of sixteen year old Lauren will come true if I have faith in myself every day.

Week 6 of My New Workout Program

I can't believe that this is how far I have come in just five weeks. This is crazy to me. I did a 21 day cleanse that removes all toxins from your body and got the same results but it wasn't permanent. As of right now I am only 6lbs down from my 'stuck' weight. However my measurements are almost on point to where they were with the cleanse, which means this is a healthier, lasting result I can count on. I will only go forward from here as I started a more intense version of the program I've been doing this morning. I honestly don't care that I weigh 154lbs right now because I have NEVER looked this good and it seriously makes me want to cry tears of joy every day I look in the mirror. You should definitely focus on inches vs weight because if I was just focusing on weight right now, I would be in a very bad place mentally. Take pictures and keep track of your inches. I was literally laughing out loud as I was reading the measuring tape this morning. This wasn't easy ladies. This is the hardest I have ever worked for my PCOS but it is absolutely worth it. If I can look this good after just five weeks, you bet your buns I'm saying, "bon voyage," to anything processed. Nothing tastes as good as looking sexy feels. At first I kept saying this to myself to keep me motivated but now that I take my measurements and pictures once a week to keep track of my progress, I don't have to remind myself to eat healthy because it's becoming a good habit already. No reminders needed.

Stay strong ladies and find what works for you. There's absolutely no reason why you can't have pictures like these too.

I Want to Change the Face of PCOS

When I was a freshman in college (2005), I went to the campus infirmary for tonsillitis and in talking with the nurse practitioner and getting on the subject of PCOS, she pointed me in the direction of the office where she did her residency, which was an endocrinology unit at one of the best hospitals in the United States, Mass General Hospital. This doctor ended up being a specialist in Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom and at first I thought she was amazing. However as time went on she put me on more prescriptions, and as time went on, the symptoms got worse, which meant even more prescriptions. At one point I was on four different prescription medications and taking as many as 10 pills a day. Finally, in the fall of 2011, a friend recommended 'Clean' by Dr. Alejandro Junger and it saved my life the moment I started reading it. The light bulb finally turned on. Someone had FINALLY realized the connection between what we eat, and what it does to our bodies. Everything he was explaining made perfect sense for why my body was behaving the way it was. See, your stomach holds the key to your health and your immune system is directly affected by what goes into it. The processed foods we consume (gluten, dairy, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, soda) get absorbed into our system and attack our immune system which is why we get sick, or get cysts, or cannot have babies. I immediately plunged into any research I could get my hands on and finally found a link on the Clean program's website that lead you to doctors who believed in actually diagnosing the problem and not just sticking you on more medication to cover up the issue. I switched to a Functional medicine doctor about a year ago now and I am losing weight, I am getting a six pack and best of all I am now completely prescription free. 

My journey has lead me to one belief and one belief only, doctors know nothing about this disorder. They stopped diagnosing a long time ago and fed into the miracle of prescriptions just as much as the rest of us did. We trust them because they have degrees and save lives, but are they really saving everyone's? I am making it my mission to hopefully save lives of women with PCOS and improve their quality of life by bringing the knowledge of Clean eating to anyone I can. I don't want the face of PCOS to be some poor soul who hates herself and the way she looks. I want it to be some gorgeous women who shines from the inside out, who is happy and healthy! I don't think we realize that women with PCOS suffer from MULTIPLE symptoms while other people just suffer from one here or there. If we were able to change the lives of women with PCOS, we could probably solve the riddles for a lot of other health problems as well. Why no one has figured this out yet, except for Dr. Junger and a few others of course, I have no freaking clue.

I may not be a doctor, but I certainly plan to educate myself on nutrition and wellness and one day get my masters so that people will trust me when I say that this is the answer.I hope that you will one day be able to receive the healing power of Clean eating as well. Be well my cysters, x.

Day 9 Of Eating Clean

Still feeling good and am down 6lbs from last week. 

Today though, I have too much on my mind to focus on PCOS. Sometimes life happens and that takes precedence. Also, my eating clean and exercising every day is my focus, not how my PCOS brings me down. 

A lot has happened in the last week. I moved into a new place (YAY), got let go from my job (YAY/NAY) and found out my Dad's best friend died last night (BIG NAY). My new place is heaven. The light is unbelievable, it was recently refurbished and has all new appliances so it's very cute, the area is darling and it feels like home. For the first time in a long time, I really feel like I found somewhere that matches my soul. We sit up on a hill and are on the third floor. I haven't had to use the air conditioning once since moving in and I love it. The breeze is fabulous, the sunrise and sunsets have been spectacular and the best part is that we have a view of just hills, trees and sometimes Boston. I may never want to leave. 

As for my job, it was not the best place to work. They let me go for mistakes that I feel a lot of people would have made. Things were not made clear, they were not given to me in the proper format and they jumped me from servicing 2 people to servicing 10 in a very short period of time. I also got blamed for someone else's mistake. It was a lot to handle and they had promised me a promotion once they hired someone to take my place but instead they hired other people and pushed me out. I'm glad to be gone though. I'm ready to move on to a company who will recognize an employees talent and place them in a position to succeed. It's been a long time coming leaving that place, whether it was by choice or not, so I'm very happy, surprisingly, for someone who just lost their job. There are some hopefuls on the horizon and I don't plan to be out of a position for much longer.

As far as Charlie is concerned, my father's best friend, I am devastated. I haven't seen him in a while but he always loved me like I was his own. When everything went south in my family, he was one of very few people who were on my "Dad's" side who wasn't ignorant to what had taken place my whole life. When he found out that I had cut off contact with my father, he was so proud of me. Every time I saw him he would ask, "Are you still not speaking with your father?" and I would reply, "No sir, I am still not speaking with him," and he would simply reply, "GOOD." The fact that someone so close to my Dad was big enough to realize just what was going on meant so much to me, especially since many of my own family members have excluded me from family events purely because my relationship is strained with my father. How I got pushed to the outside when I had no control over what happened when I was younger, I don't know. All I know is that one of the last people I ever expected to give me love and support was one of the first. I'll never forget his bright rosy cheeks, the light in his eyes and his booming voice (booming mostly because he was deaf from being an infantry instructor in the army). 

Though it's been a tough week, it does not mean I'll let it get me down. Life happens. It is not an excuse to fall off the wagon or lose sight of your dreams. I will not lose sight of my hopes and wishes for my future.

Day 4 of Clean Eating

I know I am NOT supposed to weigh myself every day but I did again this morning and I thankfully saw a loss. I am down one and a half pounds thankfully. I think my progress may be slower than I am used to being off of Metformin but I know it is better for my body therefore I have no problem with the speed, just a bit anxious haha. I notice when I was showering this morning that my hair did not fall out nearly as much as it had been therefore it is great that it did not take too long for my body to start feeling better. My fingers are really starting to look good again which I love, not to mention I woke up this morning and could really see abs for the first time thanks to my workouts. This is something I have never had and if I am only two and a half weeks in and this is what I am seeing, I cannot wait to see week eights results. 

Life has been intense lately. New situations and past events have come to light in my family and it has been very hard accepting them. Also, my current job is unbelievably stressful and I am really beginning to not enjoy it, not to mention I am moving on top of all this. Despite the fact that I have a lot going on, the best thing I have been able to do for myself is NOT eat my feelings and workout which produces endorphin's. I also have to say that eating every two hours is also making a difference. I'm a big snack-er and crave things very easily therefore this keeps my hunger pains and desperation at bay so I do not eat the wrong things. This is the first time I've done clean eating where I eat every two hours and it is making a monumental difference and I truly feel that I will not have any issue sticking to the plan this time around if it continues to be this easy.