You know it's been a bad day when you decide to shove EIGHT Ghiradelli squares in your pie hole...
The day started when I decided to call a local radio show on Kiss 108 called Matty in the Morning. They have a segment called 'Right Now' and listeners can call in and tell them something that's going on in their life. I've always wanted to call in but you have to have something good right? And me being who I am, of course it had to be a good story full of hearty laughter, therefore I decided to tell the tales of my Mother's boyfriend who when he is in front of my brother and I, becomes nervous and decides to tell inappropriate sexual jokes. They of course got a big kick out of it and it made my day, initially. After ending the phone call, I realized, what if someone I knew was listening to this right now? Then I thought, wait a second, why did I do this in the first place?
I keep getting to a point with this whole situation where, I think I'm fine and I'm happy and have seemed to move on and then maybe a month or so later my feelings will show their ugly head. There are a million reasons and one that this situation bothers me and is making me crazy but I'll try to just stick to the important ones and why I think I felt pushed to retaliate on a radio show...
Growing up in an abusive home where you have a special relationship with the one parent that is nice and normal, I think your relationship becomes that much stronger. My Mom WAS my best friend in this world up until February of this year. Even when I began to date my boyfriend, I made sure that I made time for her and would go and sleep over every Sunday night and have dinner and a movie date with her and head to work the next Morning. And then she started dating Dennis...
The sleepovers stopped and suddenly this person I didn't recognize had taken over my mothers body. The woman who if she had been in her proper state of mind would have realized that both of her children were blissfully happy because they had found the people they were going to spend the rest of their lives with. Upon realizing this, she would want to be a part of it as much as possible, but instead she became distant. Taking to 'forgetting' to tell her children she would not be available for Mother's Day, the first Mother's Day that both my brother and I had been home for in 10 years. Which after finding out where she was going, discovered she was spending the weekend in NYC with her boyfriend and ended up having brunch with him and HIS two daughters, who brought her a dozen red roses for mothers day. She had also taken to ditching us for her new boyfriend because he was offering her 'better plans'. The two most important people in her life quickly became the last two things she could possibly be bothered with. The sad thing is within the next year or two, we both have plans to vacate the New England area for locations that are at least nine states away and I don't think it will hit her what has taken place until it is too late.
It's funny, because of the way things were growing up, it was very hard for all of us to wash away the anger that had come with living such lives for a minimum of 21 years. We had just gotten to a point about a year ago now, where the three of us were a happy little family finally and didn't have a care in the world. All we would do was tease and laugh when we were together but now there is so much resentment in the relationship it almost hurts to be together. She doesn't see it, but I know my brother and I both feel it. He's never complained about anything to me before and he's complained now on several occasions. It breaks my heart to see her push him to that point. That's how I know the hurt runs very deep. I haven't been this angry about anything in five years, which was the last time I had to deal with my father. We don't speak anymore and for good reason. It's sad, but a lot of things that she is doing now are things that pushed me to stop talking to my father in the first place. For example, not taking the time on his end to make sure I was okay and do things with me even though I was doing it on my end and later denying it ever took place as such to begin with. Which is exactly what she has been doing, not to mention making excuses for why she hasn't done it.
How a family of such wonderful people has become so screwed up, I don't know, but it's pushing me to my angry place and I certainly don't like it. I've brought the subject up with her on multiple occasions but she just makes me feel awful and that I'm being ridiculous and gives excuses for her behavior. Then I have to remind myself that my brother and I'm pretty sure her sister, think she has love tunnel vision a bit too much.
One of these days, I really hope we get back to being the duo that makes each other wet their pants...
