If someone had asked me if I thought that one of my "AHA!" moments would be a result of donating my hair, I would have giggled and said, "Transitions don't come from cutting your hair, they come from defining life moments." But somehow, cutting my hair last week DID become a defining life moment.
Three years ago now, I fell really hard for someone I thought was amazing. And just as quickly as it began, it ended. It was abrupt, it was very hard to grasp, and it took me two years to get over it. It messed with me almost more than any other life event has. And I thought I had fully let that go, but I hadn't. It wasn't until I had ended yet another defining relationship that I realized just how far removed I was from my core. And I had no one to blame but myself.
Somehow in the last three years, I started down this journey where I ate what I thought I was supposed to, grew out my hair and really tried to work on my health because I magically thought this would fix whatever was "wrong" with me and I'd inevitably win my "one true love" back; FALSE. In shedding my locks I realized one major thing; I wasn't doing anything for me. My growth, my hair, my lifestyle, all a direct result of what I thought I was supposed to be doing. And the truth is, if you can't see through the muck who someone is and love them for their core, then that person was never your one true love to begin with. I was changing everything I was for something that didn't even exist. And the most important lesson in all of this is that nothing, and I mean absolutely NOTHING that you ever do should ever feel anything but 100%. You can do it for someone else, but just make sure you're true to yourself in the process.
For instance, my current hair. My awesome, wonderful, bouncy, sassy, short "DO" is me. It has my personality written all over it. And shouldn't everything I do, ESPECIALLY how I live my life, have me written all over it? I'm not a frightened person, I am fearless. I don't back away from a challenge, I run it down and I own it. I have survived circumstances that no child should ever have to go through, but I glared down that beast like I was HULK. And somehow, in the last couple of years or more even, I have become so frightened, by everything. Everything I was doing was out of fear or for someone else, and that's no way to live.
For years I've felt lonely and almost desperate for companionship. But now, after this transformation, it's almost like I have this big hand, holding my heart, giving me its warmth, it's strength and its comfort. I don't feel alone and I certainly don't feel scared to walk the next chapter of my life standing on my own two feet. I know I have the love and support of my whole family but this journey is one that has to be done alone.
And to all of my friends out there who are going through some kind of growth, just listen to your heart. Is the path you're going down the one that YOU want? Are you doing it for you? Don't be scared to fight for yourself, even if you have to do something very scary to get there, because I promise the other side is full of possibility, warmth and endless love. You will be unstoppable.
